as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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