is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
