dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize