So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
