she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
