but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize