I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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