You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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