Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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