My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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