just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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