On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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