Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
