i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
