did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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