I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
