it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
