left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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