There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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