toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
