Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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