Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
