dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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