i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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