you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
