If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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