My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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