Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize