i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
