Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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