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Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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