Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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