we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
