I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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