Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We are all done wearing pants today
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
