He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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