where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Randomize
