just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.