it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.