if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
