If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship