so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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