im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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