totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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