i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
