it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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