I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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