if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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