Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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