tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
