Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
