You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
