I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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