She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
