"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
