Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
