Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
