i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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