Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so explain again why im purple
no
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
