so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
