I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
