I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I understand Curling. That high.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
