I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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