if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
