I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
