OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
