she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
